did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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