they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
