Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
