Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
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can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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