I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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