Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
