I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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