Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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