I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
