How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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