My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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