"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
