Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
