sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
