Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
