No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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