drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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