When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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