Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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