i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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