I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
