There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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