The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
