fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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