My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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