HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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