gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
