I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
