then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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