broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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