I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
