This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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