you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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