it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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