my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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