Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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