Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
