Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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