Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and she was petting her beer can
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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