ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
