So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
