There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
