he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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