just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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