I'd wear matching sweaters with you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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