hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
