I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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