you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
