goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
