I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Houston, we have a squirter
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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