someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
