it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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