the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms