We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am naked and annoyed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.