He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.