So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
