dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
