before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
