Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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