I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
