She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
