my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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