so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize