Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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